No matter how much we communicate, sometimes we’re just not on the same frequency.
Part of the problem is over-reliance on electronic communications (short messages and emails) to discuss complex matters. In-person meetings have been replaced by video conferences, and we rarely pick up the phone to connect.
When it comes to communication, each person has a different “preferential frequency.” Some love email while others detest it. Some love a quick phone call and others cringe at this, preferring a quick Slack message.
According to recent studies, the average human attention span is 8.25 seconds. That means I have less than 10 seconds to get your attention. (Some of you have already stopped reading.)
So how can preferences and attention spans help put us on the same frequency?
Let’s explore this deeper.
Dr. Albert Mehrabian, professor and researcher, formulated the “7-38-55 rule.” Based on extensive research, he concluded that the meaning or emotion of a message is communicated 7 percent through words; 38 percent by tone of voice; and 55 percent through body language.
If true, written communication (messages and emails), can easily be misinterpreted. There’s a reason for emojis. They are designed to convey emotions and clarify intention (which pure words leave out).
The key to communication success is to first consider our preferences and then share them with others. It isn’t productive to leave others guessing or make them go through a trial-and-error process to communicate effectively with us. To solve this problem, we’ve created “Intel Files.” They are quick summaries or cheat sheets for effective communication and allow others to practice flexing with greater accuracy.
While you don’t always have the luxury of accessing another person’s complete Intel File, you can easily get on the same frequency by following these four steps:
Step 1: Pick a person you want to get on the same frequency with. If you haven’t already done so, your manager is a great first option. You might also pick a peer or a colleague with whom you communicate frequently and suspect you could be more effective.
Step 2: Invite them to a meeting to learn about their communication preferences. Who would say “no” to a chance for a more tailored communication approach? Even better, you’re taking time to learn about their preferences so that you can tailor yours accordingly. Seems like a win-win.
Step 3: Share your Intel File and ask them for their (1) top three “dos” for communicating, (2) preferred communication method in order (email, messaging, in-person, etc), and (3) pet peeves. The more specific (and short) your questions are, the easier it is to get their attention. They may find that your Intel File answers spark deeper conversations and find themselves sharing answers to all of your questions. The conversation should feel natural. Avoid making it a formal interview.
Step 4: Commit to one action step. Since you took the time to ask, make sure you follow up on one way they prefer to communicate. Share your commitment with them and follow up flawlessly. One small action step executed immediately and consistently is more valuable than a list of well-intended, unactioned promises.
Getting on the same frequency will help both of you communicate with style.
