Give It to Me Straight: How to Give Challenging In-the-Moment Feedback

Most difficult situations arise due to underlying issues that are not addressed quickly or thoroughly enough.

Unresolved one-time issues can become patterns, which often re-appear passive-aggressively, or with nuances unrelated to the original problem.

These six strategies will assist you in addressing issues and providing critical in-the-moment feedback to turn any situation (or person) around and transforming difficult situations into productive opportunities.

1. 1. Address the situation as soon as possible: Most people are uncomfortable confronting issues and prefer to wait for them to go away on their own. This is rarely the case. Instead, they tend to fester and grow, turning what could have been a quick and clear conversation into a major issue.
   2. Be specific in your feedback and address the most obvious and visual signals first: Most people’s first signal is nonverbal. Their body language often communicates underlying feelings that they are unable or unwilling to express verbally (at least not in the moment). These signals include rolling eyes, crossing arms in front of the chest, yawning, or other similar behaviors. While you may not want to address these in front of others, they are signs of brewing conflict or conflict indicators that must be addressed as soon as possible. Open-ended questions can reveal a wealth of information. For example, “I noticed you rolled your eyes when Jane mentioned the annual report.” Pause to assess the person’s reaction. For example. “Jen left out a lot of information in the report,” would prompt a response such as, “What questions or concerns do you have about her or the report? Please be as specific as possible.”
   3. Ask clarifying questions that go deeper to uncover underlying issues: By asking open-ended questions that start with what, when, where, or how, you can access more information and help the person self-reflect. For example, asking “During our last meeting, you confronted Peter three times and used a harsh tone of voice. Has something happened recently between the two of you that’s made that energy surface?” “What action steps can you take to resolve this issue with Peter?”
   4. Don’t fall for “nothing’s wrong”: If you ask a closed-ended question, “Is anything wrong?”, you will most likely get an answer like, “No, nothing’s wrong.” Trust that if something appears wrong, it is. Continue to ask open-ended questions to get to the root cause.
   5. State your expectations for future performance and shifts in behavior or attitude: Once you’ve identified and discussed the real issue, clearly state your expectations. “What commitments will you make based on our discussion and my expectations?” Set the stage for accountability: “I’m glad we got it sorted out. My expectation from now on is that you….” This could be an important topic to include in your regularly scheduled performance feedback conversations.
   6. Be compassionate and show you care: People who act defensively or appear overly “difficult” or angry are usually in pain or upset about something. They may not know how to solve or bring up the problem. It is your responsibility as a manager to create an environment in which you are clear, direct, supportive and caring. While not every issue can be handled in the moment, many can be resolved with a quick conversation. Consider which issues are better addressed immediately and which require a deeper conversation.

While not every conversation should be handled in-the-moment, those that can, usually have a better outcome than if left unattended or addressed.