The saying, “You hire for skill and fire for attitude” sums up how important attitude is to professional and personal successful.
What exactly is “attitude”? The venerable Oxford English Dictionary defines it as “a settled way of thinking or feeling about someone or something.”
It’s important not to confuse emotion with attitude. As defined by the Collins English Dictionary, emotion is “a feeling such as happiness, love, fear, anger, or hatred, which can be caused by the situation that you are in or the person you are with.”
Emotions come and go. They may be felt deeply and can last a second or longer, but then they pass (and may be replaced by a drastically different emotion).
An attitude, on the other hand, is “settled,” having taken “root” within us. Pervasive behaviors and thoughts (positive or negative) spring from attitudes, not emotions.
We can have a positive, negative, or neutral attitude about anything. Depending on what we desire for ourselves, each version delivers a different outcome. The key to unlocking attitudes is remembering that, while we may have an attitude (or emotion) about something or someone, we are in complete control of how we respond.
When we discuss attitude in the workplace, we typically do so in the context of the trifecta for evaluating performance: Capacity–Skill–Attitude. We teach managers to look carefully at each of the three aspects of performance to determine how best to help employees move past issues. It’s the manager’s responsibility to address and align an employee’s capacity and skill. Attitude, on the other hand, is your responsibility.
What about my attitude?
The good news is that attitude is completely within our immediate control. We may not be able to build a new skill or capacity overnight, but we can change our attitude in a second. We have complete control over how we think, behave, and respond. Our managers, peers, friends, and family can’t change our attitude for us (though they may want to). They merely can let us know when our attitude is (or isn’t) helpful.
Being in complete control of our attitudes, unfortunately, doesn’t necessarily make them easy to manage or change. With practice and commitment, however, we can learn to shift attitudes faster and more naturally.
Diving deeper into negative, positive, and neutral attitudes
Let’s look at some common negative attitudes. Beware: Negative attitudes may be masked as a lack of skills, but they actually are attitudes. With little effort, one can commit to pivoting to a more effective way of behaving, responding, or thinking. Negative attitudes include:
- Frequently missing deadlines with “reasons” (or excuses) for doing so.
- Pervasive excuse-making and blaming others for poor results.
- Defensiveness or victim-playing.
- Passive-aggressive behaviors or responses.
- Indignation or self-righteousness.
- Failing to make promised changes (thanks to inaction or repeat behaviors).
- Unwillingness to collaborate or work with team members.
- Overly negative assumptions about self or others.
- An unwavering commitment to doing things “my way.”
- Severe self-doubt or debilitating insecurities.
- Imposter syndrome.
If we are in complete control of our attitudes, and if attitudes can be shifted in a second, then why do we embody bad attitudes in the first place? Logically, it doesn’t make much sense, since bad attitudes lead to a myriad of negative consequences.
Let’s explore some root causes of negative attitudes. Remember, attitude is defined as a “settled way of thinking or feeling about someone or something.” If we settle into or are predisposed to a negative attitude, more effort is needed to change it. In other words, the more settled something is, the more rooted it is. Regardless of the origin of negative attitudes, however, we are responsible for our responses. Negative attitudes tend to be propelled by:
- Pessimistic outlooks.
- Negative role models.
- Natural inflexibility.
- Past negative experiences or judgements.
- Aggressive or passive behaviors.
- Low self-esteem.
- Lack of self-worth.
- Fears (real or perceived).
- Over-inflated sense of self/capacities.
- Attention seeking (even if it’s negative).
- Cultural, social, political, or religious positions against a group or way of being.
On the other side of the pendulum live positive attitudes. Behaviors and beliefs resulting from positive attitudes include:
- A growth mindset: You may not be able to do something today, but—with dedicated effort—you might accomplish it tomorrow.
- Desire to try, even if unsure of successful outcomes.
- Commitment to being your personal best and pushing yourself beyond your comfort zone.
- Assuming “positive intent.” Looking for opportunities to help things go right.
- Believing in personal mantras (“I can do this”; “I do hard things”; “I shine my light”) to overcome obstacles and build tenacity.
- Openness to critical feedback and a desire to improve or grow.
- Owning mistakes—without excuses.
- Willingness to help/step in when faced with issues or team conflicts.
- Addressing conflicts on the assumption that creative solutions are likely to follow.
A common mistake is swinging the pendulum too far in an attempt to become positive. This rarely works because it is inauthentic. For a better outcome, shift to a neutral attitude.
Neutral attitudes are powerful. They serve us particularly well when addressing or resolving conflict, performing or delivering important projects, having coaching conversations, or starting new projects with peers.
Neutral attitudes are powerful “gateways” when attempting to switch from negative to positive attitudes. Neutrality keeps you in the present, positively affecting the conversation and leveling the playing field. Neutral attitudes contribute to:
- Balanced conversations (especially if naturally heated or sensitive).
- All parties being heard and viewed as equals.
- Leaving past issues behind. Staying in the present to avoid revisiting issues that are not relevant.
- Assumptions being neutralized.
- Nonjudgmental listening and interacting.
- Seeing the other as an equal, not an irrelevant obstacle.
How do I change my attitude?
The key to any change is desire and commitment. If we really want to change something (no matter how settled it is), we can. Here’s how you change an attitude (regardless of origin):
- Identify one negative attitude you wish to change (not a laundry list of things you want to improve). It could be defensiveness, unconstructive responses to criticism, or excuse-making. See the above list for ideas of what may hold true for you.
- Write two ways this attitude hurts your success with projects or people (work- or life- related).
- Assess your true commitment score. On a scale of 1-10, how committed are you to changing this attitude permanently? A 10 is “nothing will stop me” and a 1 is “unlikely.” Any score below 9 will have limited success. Consider picking another attitude and revisit the steps. Your goal is to find a “10.” If you still want to pursue a score below 10, be realistic about your ability to stick with it.
- Create a “next time, I will….” statement. This commitment and accountability step will help you change your attitude. Simply saying you’ll stop doing something you’ve been doing for years won’t work. Changing habits takes time. You can assume that, at first, the old pattern will repeat. So, your best bet is to prepare for it.
Here’s an example: “The next time I get defensive, I will say ‘tell me more about that’ to interrupt my natural tendency to defend and justify.” Another might be: “The next time I make an excuse, I will interrupt myself and own the mistake instead of explaining why I didn’t deliver as I had promised.”
As you can see, these statements offer a quick way to reroute your brain to a positive or neutral attitude or behavior. It may take time, and most likely you’ll have to “rinse and repeat” frequently. Eventually, however, your brain will reprogram itself and will assume the positive or neutral attitude is the right one. Pretty great, right?
Consider what feedback you’ve been given by your manager, supervisor, peers, friends, or family about your attitude. Then commit to change one small thing at a time. While you may always see yourself or the world somewhat pessimistically or critically, you can choose to change your attitude or response to get more from life and work.
